I realize that I sabotage my own weight loss efforts. One of many examples is from a couple of months ago when I prepared a nice healthy lunch and took it to work. I always eat my lunch in the cafeteria, and I cannot stand the cafeteria food. Of course they offer many different foods-mostly high calorie high fat meals and side dishes. I intended to purchase a decaf coffee to go with my lunch. Before I even thought about it–although there was a nagging voice saying no, no, no–I had paid for a huge order of curly fries and a bag of chocolates. It wasn’t until I was half way through the curly fries that I realized I was not even enjoying the fries, but I finished every last one of them. While eating the chocolates, I tried to find reasons as to why I would sabotage my weight loss efforts, because sabotage is exactly what I did. And I did it consciously. Why? Is this a form of procrastination? I can eat the French fries today and get back on track tomorrow. Well, this is something I have been doing for a couple of years now which is why I lose 2 pounds and then gain the same 2 pounds back. Maybe I feel that I deserve a reward? I did work hard in the morning, so I suppose I could justify my splurge as a kind of reward for all the hard work. That is fine once in a while, but I am constantly “rewarding” myself, sometimes several times a day! Could it be that when I see others eating what they want I feel that I am entitled to do the same? When I looked around the cafeteria all I could see were thin people eating big plates of not so healthy food. If they can do it, then so can I. Look at them, they are eating French fries and sandwiches and are still thin. Well, that works except most of the people around me were younger than 22–I teach at a college. Am I afraid that I will never be able to enjoy my favorite foods ever again? Yes, that is part of it. When I commit to healthy eating I believe that I will never again will be able to eat a French fry or my favorite veal parmesan if I am going to stay thin. This is a recipe for failure, and it certainly is not true. I have lost and maintained a healthy weight several times, and each time I was able to eat my favorite foods in moderation. Actually, I always enjoyed the healthy foods very much, and I never craved a French fry or veal parmesan. It is true that when eating a healthy diet, the old foods are not missed. I need to get over the idea that I can never enjoy any of my favorite foods.
Later that night I felt guilty as I threw away my healthy lunch. I cannot count the times that I have bought fruits and vegetables and then just thrown them out because they spoil before they get eaten. I believe that it is okay to splurge once in a while. But, splurging every day is not going to reduce my cholesterol or help me get back into my clothes. The big problem is that I do not think before I eat. I am an impulsive eater, and it shows. This cycle of splurge and guilt is sabotaging my weight loss efforts, and as a result I will never get healthy until I do something about it. I am going to make an effort to not eat impulsively. I will think before eating and remind myself that I can still enjoy my favorite foods in moderation. Instead of looking at the plates of all of the thin youngsters around me, I will concentrate on my own plate and my goals of reducing cholesterol and losing weight. I will also stop procrastinating and keep reminding myself that I can lose 25 pounds by the end of August 2013. The other option is to not lose the 35 pounds, but I can reward myself by eating healthy foods that will help lower my cholesterol and help with my weight loss. I am finished sabotaging my weight loss efforts. Starting tomorrow, I will “think” before I eat.